Get to know your dark side - don't be pushed around
Letting Out Your Dark Side
Welcome to the world of being nice. A world where if something bothers you, it should be hidden. A place where we say nice things to people, but we really mean something different.
Not being liked, not fitting in, or missing out on something, is the result of saying how we really feel.
" If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic."
- Tyler Durden-
As a child, life was fun and carefree. You did not sit around worrying about the past or future. Instead you focused on the moment. If you go back far enough, you expressed yourself without fear of being judged.
If you did not want to wear a pair of shoes or eat a piece of broccoli, you rolled around on the floor, jumped up and down, or screamed at the top of your lungs. You had something to say and wanted everyone to know.
If you did not want to wear a pair of shoes or eat a piece of broccoli, you rolled around on the floor, jumped up and down, or screamed at the top of your lungs. You had something to say and wanted everyone to know.
As you got older, something changed.
Welcome to the world of being nice. A world where if something bothers you, it should be hidden. A place where we say nice things to people, but we really mean something different.
Not being liked, not fitting in, or missing out on something, is the result of saying how we really feel.
We fall into the trap of gossiping and complaining because it makes us feel better in the moment, but the situation grows worse.
We hold our true feelings in, but then they surface later as anxiety, depression, or anger.
To cope, we drink alcohol or eat sugary snacks getting fatter and fatter.
To cope, we drink alcohol or eat sugary snacks getting fatter and fatter.
It's a hostile environment in today's modern society. We have a huge battle working careers, owning businesses, or trying improve ourselves to better our lives. Life can feel completely overwhelming at times, but with focus and determination, the weight can be lifted, and a fulfilled life with purpose can be achieved.
One of the worst things you can do to yourself is not communicate your true feelings.
One of the worst things you can do to yourself is not communicate your true feelings.
We all have amazing qualities that can be found and exposed. But if we kick back and just go through the motions , which is so easy to do, we become an average person struggling to survive a life that can be as intimidating and stressful as a combat situation , taking a toll on our well being.
You need to be a leader of your own life.
With your own thoughts and opinions, you need to face your own struggles with energy and planning. If you just want to do what everyone else does, you may never get anywhere, or worse go backwards in life.
In a special operations team, everyone is expected to be a leader. Modern day warriors are placed into extreme situations that require peak mental performance and focus, not just going through the motions.
You need to be a leader of your own life.
With your own thoughts and opinions, you need to face your own struggles with energy and planning. If you just want to do what everyone else does, you may never get anywhere, or worse go backwards in life.
In a special operations team, everyone is expected to be a leader. Modern day warriors are placed into extreme situations that require peak mental performance and focus, not just going through the motions.
Applying techniques used by some of the most elite military units in the world into situations we encounter in everyday life, can help us get to another level of success. Real success.
The situations we find ourselves in throughout our normal adult lives, is like urban warfare.
We are exposed to struggles daily. The stress we feel constantly can seem never ending. The end result could be our lives start to crumble and we don't know why.
Strategically ask yourself why you are feeling angry or resentful. Sometimes it is not obvious. It requires some thought. Once you know why, attack these issues like a warrior attacks an enemy. These thoughts will drag you down and make you miserable.
Operators get the opportunity to let out a side we all have, the side with thoughts and actions we are concerned with showing other people a dark side.
Often times letting this side emerge, not all the way, gets results.
Much like a special operator does not decide to play nice with the enemy on a mission, you must decide not to play nice, day to day, when the time calls for it.
A special operator will train again and again to take out a threat to the United States. Even if they are laid back naturally, they must become a fearsome warrior when the time calls for it. They must stay focused and not forget why they are there. They cannot afford to be manipulated, tricked, or misled into thinking otherwise. They must not push away their dark side. It must be present every step of the way.
Like a battlefield, or life and death survival scenario, today's lifestyle in America will crush you if you are not fighting for survival.
Like our ancestors we still need to plan how will face difficult issues in our lives. If they did not plan, they probably died of starvation, cold, or lack of shelter. For us, the result could be living in our own personal hell.
We are exposed to struggles daily. The stress we feel constantly can seem never ending. The end result could be our lives start to crumble and we don't know why.
Strategically ask yourself why you are feeling angry or resentful. Sometimes it is not obvious. It requires some thought. Once you know why, attack these issues like a warrior attacks an enemy. These thoughts will drag you down and make you miserable.
U.S. special operators are not feared for being nice guys. Their missions don't have the impressive success rate because they play nice all the time. They have been trained to let out their inner warrior, to let out the side we are all born with. Our dark side.
Operators get the opportunity to let out a side we all have, the side with thoughts and actions we are concerned with showing other people a dark side.
Often times letting this side emerge, not all the way, gets results.
Much like a special operator does not decide to play nice with the enemy on a mission, you must decide not to play nice, day to day, when the time calls for it.
A special operator will train again and again to take out a threat to the United States. Even if they are laid back naturally, they must become a fearsome warrior when the time calls for it. They must stay focused and not forget why they are there. They cannot afford to be manipulated, tricked, or misled into thinking otherwise. They must not push away their dark side. It must be present every step of the way.
Like a battlefield, or life and death survival scenario, today's lifestyle in America will crush you if you are not fighting for survival.
Like our ancestors we still need to plan how will face difficult issues in our lives. If they did not plan, they probably died of starvation, cold, or lack of shelter. For us, the result could be living in our own personal hell.
We no longer have to hunt for food or stay busy just to ensure we live another day. If you are reading this, you are comfortable, even if you do not make much of an income.
In America especially, we forget we are built to survive, but somehow we forget we still need to use our wits and skills we're born with.
In America especially, we forget we are built to survive, but somehow we forget we still need to use our wits and skills we're born with.
When you are comfortable, it gets easy to play nice. We are told to be nice to everyone. Yes, we should be kind to other human beings, but if your like me, you may have fallen into the trap of being too nice
Whether you admit it or not, there is a side of you with thoughts and feelings you would not dare expose to anyone.
I am asking you to come face to face with this side, become comfortable with who it is, then use some of its aspects your advantage.
I am asking you to come face to face with this side, become comfortable with who it is, then use some of its aspects your advantage.
Say hello to the other you. Your dark side.
Being an adult, no matter what you do, is a battle. You will probably lose the battle if you don't take time to look at the other side of you, and remember it is there. Most people are quick to shut the door and lock the other side of them that seems like a monster.
The dark side is a monster, but it does not mean it can't help you achieve your goals.
Being an adult, no matter what you do, is a battle. You will probably lose the battle if you don't take time to look at the other side of you, and remember it is there. Most people are quick to shut the door and lock the other side of them that seems like a monster.
The dark side is a monster, but it does not mean it can't help you achieve your goals.
Inside of you somewhere, another part of you is lurking. You don't need to fully expose this side, but you should let it emerge. You would not want it fully exposed all the time anyway. Nobody would want to be around you. If you let it run free like Tyler Durden, then your life would be another extreme.
In the movie Fight Club, the narrator's life was pathetic. He lived alone and worked a corporate job he hated. He was going through the motions at his job while getting more and more miserable. He had insomnia and was depressed.
The narrator met a guy that was everything he wished he was. He did not have any possessions, lived free and said and did what he wanted. His name was Tyler Durden.
Sure enough, Tyler was a great leader, creating underground fight clubs and recruiting men for his ultimate goal. Called project mayhem, his loyal followers caused violent mayhem, including vandalism, threatening a guy with a gun to do what he wanted with his life, instead of working at a gas station, and blowing up credit card company's corporate offices.
Spoiler alert:
It turns out, Tyler Durden was not real. It was just the narrator's dark side running free.
I don't want to go to such an extreme, but the narrator's life did change drastically by following a very dark side of himself.
if you only listen to your dark side, ignoring the nice rational you, obvious negative consequences occur. A tiny bit goes a long way. Just enough to get healthy respect and attention will help your cause.
Gather some courage and listen to the darker side of you.
There is some messed up stuff going on in your head, but some of it can be useful.
There is some messed up stuff going on in your head, but some of it can be useful.
Young toddlers are usually not shy about letting out things that upset them. They don't walk around hoping everyone likes them. They don't stuff down frustrations and emotions that are inside because other people might think they are crazy. They are not concerned about what anyone thinks in that moment. They have something to express and will get it out.
As we become adults in America, something changes, especially in the working environment. We get more concerned about fitting in, and worrying about upsetting someone.
You may have an idea, solution, or just an opinion we need to share. If you are anything like I used to be, you hold it in. You may forget about it, but it can cause problems down the road.
All the sudden, you start feeling angry or frustrated out of nowhere. Next thing you know our yelling at you children, or making passive aggressive comments to your spouse.
At work, I was playing too nice. My co workers only saw the nice Kevin, and my poor family saw the dark Kevin appear far too often.
The consequence for being too nice is resentment. It can come out on innocent victims like children or spouses.
In the moment it may feel easier to back down, but if you feel it, push through and attack the issue
You should get comfortable with your darker side and practice daily. Get comfortable with the feeling of letting you true desires, your true self come to the forefront. This means you are being more transparent with others, and people will respect and want to be around a person who says what they really feel.
Donald Trump is known saying whatever is on his mind. This can be a frustrating trait. He does not care about our frustrations. And he shouldn't. This is in no way a political blog. No matter what you may think of Trump, I ask that you focus on his strengths. Whether you love him or hate him, Trump does have traits which have made him successful. One trait is that he does not usually filter out what he really thinks.
Trump does not hold back what is really on his mind. People that support Trump find this trait refreshing, especially in the political world. It's not about whether you agree with him or not. It is about him appearing more honest to his loyal base. With this power, he can say just about anything, and his loyal fans support him. His supporters often go to extreme lengths to show their support.,
When you start showing your teeth, people will notice and respond.
Don't focus on their response, it does not matter. Focus on making you point of view clear and direct. You cannot control how they respond.
When I got more comfortable in the leadership role I currently hold, I started voicing my opinion more. There were a few people that did not like what I said, or that I even said anything. I did not care because I felt better saying it. I had held back for years and suffered.
There were many people that liked what I said ,and personally told me they liked that had a stance. A lot of people did not have a stance and focused on mainly what the herd thought.
I was involved negotiating with the manager about our work schedule for the next year. I had big ideas and changes in mind. A rumor began to be spread by a few individuals that I was making changes behind everyone's back and doing what I wanted.
Some people that were known supporters of me, told me who was saying the negative things behind my back. I directly talked with the person and explained my plans to share when I was finished. To my face they denied it and changed the subject. I felt bad for even bringing it up. She made me think I was losing my mind. She was good.
A few days later she made a post on our workplace social media asking if I was gonna share the schedule and she was just looking out for the people.
My dark side emerged and I put out an email, not holding back language, about the issue at hand. I told every person to come to me personally they have an issue with me or the way I do business. I cannot change or improve without feedback. Gossip did not count.
I informed the group of an upcoming meeting. I encouraged everyone to step up and tell me any critical feedback face to face. Again I used colorful language also saying they could say or even call me ANYTHING. It was a bold move, but it created some loyal bonds. It also made a few people think I was out of my mind.
This action pushed my haters further away, but it also drew my supporters closer. They were seeing the true Kevin more.
Once you expose yourself, focus on the people that like you for who you really are. Forget the rest.
It may be starting with small things like not saying yes to something if you really mean no ,or saying what you really mean about a project or issue at work.
The consequence for being too nice is resentment. It can come out on innocent victims like children or spouses.
For me, I thought landing a a great job and career as an air traffic controller would be the start of a happy life. The end.
Unless you work by yourself, never having to work or come into contact with other humans, your gonna come into contact with a wide variety of people.
A vast majority of these people are hiding their true selves. Your only seeing one side, their nice side.
It did not take me long to notice there were people in my career that felt they could say anything, or behave any way they wanted, as long as they put on a nice act. They had no problem making a sarcastic or even mean comment at my expense.
From the outside looking in, I pictured myself working with other professionals that made great money. The thought of an environment where everyone fakes being nice then making comments behind others back ,or making slight digs about someone, did not cross my mind.
The environment began to wear on me. Before long thoughts of transferring within the job became almost overwhelming. Maybe it was just my place of work. Maybe I would find a place where everyone gets along, and where everyone plays nice.
The more I thought about it, I realized I liked where I was, and more than likely, I'd be in the same spot at my next location. In a few years I'd be repeating the process.
After deciding to stay where I was I stepped into a leadership position nobody took very serious. It was just a cool title to them. What if I gave it a shot?
Looking back, one of the best moves I ever made was deciding to slow down and focus on who I was. The position did not give me a raise or resume fluff, but it gave me as much power as the facility manager. I could do almost as much with the position as I decided to put in.
One of the biggest lesson I learned as a leader was to listen to my internal frustrations and anger.
Why did I become so miserable at work? Why did I go home and watch my kids playing in the pool and miss the experience to be in the moment? Because I was replaying what I should have said to someone. What I was gonna say the next day, but only do the next what I did the previous day.
I could not be in the moment and experience the present. I wanted to behave way kids do, and live carefree experiencing the present. But all could think about it what I should have done or said. It was like being in prison.
I was living in the place I wanted with the home of my dreams, a beautiful family, three wonderful children, and an excellent job. But all I wanted to do was move across the country to relieve the pain that was growing day by day.
When I unlocked the door hiding my other side, my life started getting much better.
I started showing some teeth, not an all out animal, but I started to growl.
It started with voicing my opinion. I did not care if I was right or wrong, but I shared my view with as many people as possible. At least people knew where I stood about certain things. If someone was late all the time, I called them on it. If someone was being disrespectful to me or other people, I spoke up about it. I did not yell or act like a buffoon. I tried my best to be professional and direct.
As I settled in to the leadership role, I gave my opinion to the supervisors and eventually, the manager. At times, things got interesting.
I tried to choose my battles wisely and tried to be strategic. Sometimes I had to completely disagree with the manager. When I did, I noticed a few things.
Just telling some of my coworkers about the disagreement made them feel uncomfortable. I almost felt ashamed of my actions. A basic instinct of ancestors' survival, fitting into the tribe, does a lot of harm in the modern world. You have to find a way to turn this instinct off to be more successful today. Fitting in now just make you blend in with everyone else. Everyone wants to be noticed, but you can't by trying to hide who you really are.
It would sometimes go home and question my stance, but I continued to lean into it. It is natural to second guess yourself. I began to realize once I had a stance, I should dive in and go for it.
If someone does not like your stance, at least they know where the whole you stands. You live in the present knowing that fact.
It is alright if you fail. You will get better. Keep the internal battle going. Let the dark side help you.
If you need to raise you voice a little, use piercing eye contact, or stand up and wave your arms, let your dark side help you speak your mind. Engage full force with the issue like it is a terrorist holding someone hostage.
Sometimes saying please, or not exposing your exact thought or opinion, can be a mission failure.
You may only have one shot. You may be dead the next day. We don't know what the future holds. We only have the present.
Live like an operator. Take control of your actions and your life. Take any opportunity you can to practice being the whole you.
Don't be afraid of your dark side. There is another part of you waiting to be discovered.
You may have an idea, solution, or just an opinion we need to share. If you are anything like I used to be, you hold it in. You may forget about it, but it can cause problems down the road.
All the sudden, you start feeling angry or frustrated out of nowhere. Next thing you know our yelling at you children, or making passive aggressive comments to your spouse.
At work, I was playing too nice. My co workers only saw the nice Kevin, and my poor family saw the dark Kevin appear far too often.
The consequence for being too nice is resentment. It can come out on innocent victims like children or spouses.
In the moment it may feel easier to back down, but if you feel it, push through and attack the issue
You should get comfortable with your darker side and practice daily. Get comfortable with the feeling of letting you true desires, your true self come to the forefront. This means you are being more transparent with others, and people will respect and want to be around a person who says what they really feel.
Donald Trump is known saying whatever is on his mind. This can be a frustrating trait. He does not care about our frustrations. And he shouldn't. This is in no way a political blog. No matter what you may think of Trump, I ask that you focus on his strengths. Whether you love him or hate him, Trump does have traits which have made him successful. One trait is that he does not usually filter out what he really thinks.
Trump does not hold back what is really on his mind. People that support Trump find this trait refreshing, especially in the political world. It's not about whether you agree with him or not. It is about him appearing more honest to his loyal base. With this power, he can say just about anything, and his loyal fans support him. His supporters often go to extreme lengths to show their support.,
When you start showing your teeth, people will notice and respond.
Don't focus on their response, it does not matter. Focus on making you point of view clear and direct. You cannot control how they respond.
When I got more comfortable in the leadership role I currently hold, I started voicing my opinion more. There were a few people that did not like what I said, or that I even said anything. I did not care because I felt better saying it. I had held back for years and suffered.
There were many people that liked what I said ,and personally told me they liked that had a stance. A lot of people did not have a stance and focused on mainly what the herd thought.
I was involved negotiating with the manager about our work schedule for the next year. I had big ideas and changes in mind. A rumor began to be spread by a few individuals that I was making changes behind everyone's back and doing what I wanted.
Some people that were known supporters of me, told me who was saying the negative things behind my back. I directly talked with the person and explained my plans to share when I was finished. To my face they denied it and changed the subject. I felt bad for even bringing it up. She made me think I was losing my mind. She was good.
A few days later she made a post on our workplace social media asking if I was gonna share the schedule and she was just looking out for the people.
My dark side emerged and I put out an email, not holding back language, about the issue at hand. I told every person to come to me personally they have an issue with me or the way I do business. I cannot change or improve without feedback. Gossip did not count.
I informed the group of an upcoming meeting. I encouraged everyone to step up and tell me any critical feedback face to face. Again I used colorful language also saying they could say or even call me ANYTHING. It was a bold move, but it created some loyal bonds. It also made a few people think I was out of my mind.
This action pushed my haters further away, but it also drew my supporters closer. They were seeing the true Kevin more.
Once you expose yourself, focus on the people that like you for who you really are. Forget the rest.
It may be starting with small things like not saying yes to something if you really mean no ,or saying what you really mean about a project or issue at work.
The consequence for being too nice is resentment. It can come out on innocent victims like children or spouses.
For me, I thought landing a a great job and career as an air traffic controller would be the start of a happy life. The end.
Unless you work by yourself, never having to work or come into contact with other humans, your gonna come into contact with a wide variety of people.
A vast majority of these people are hiding their true selves. Your only seeing one side, their nice side.
It did not take me long to notice there were people in my career that felt they could say anything, or behave any way they wanted, as long as they put on a nice act. They had no problem making a sarcastic or even mean comment at my expense.
From the outside looking in, I pictured myself working with other professionals that made great money. The thought of an environment where everyone fakes being nice then making comments behind others back ,or making slight digs about someone, did not cross my mind.
The environment began to wear on me. Before long thoughts of transferring within the job became almost overwhelming. Maybe it was just my place of work. Maybe I would find a place where everyone gets along, and where everyone plays nice.
The more I thought about it, I realized I liked where I was, and more than likely, I'd be in the same spot at my next location. In a few years I'd be repeating the process.
After deciding to stay where I was I stepped into a leadership position nobody took very serious. It was just a cool title to them. What if I gave it a shot?
Looking back, one of the best moves I ever made was deciding to slow down and focus on who I was. The position did not give me a raise or resume fluff, but it gave me as much power as the facility manager. I could do almost as much with the position as I decided to put in.
One of the biggest lesson I learned as a leader was to listen to my internal frustrations and anger.
Why did I become so miserable at work? Why did I go home and watch my kids playing in the pool and miss the experience to be in the moment? Because I was replaying what I should have said to someone. What I was gonna say the next day, but only do the next what I did the previous day.
I could not be in the moment and experience the present. I wanted to behave way kids do, and live carefree experiencing the present. But all could think about it what I should have done or said. It was like being in prison.
I was living in the place I wanted with the home of my dreams, a beautiful family, three wonderful children, and an excellent job. But all I wanted to do was move across the country to relieve the pain that was growing day by day.
When I unlocked the door hiding my other side, my life started getting much better.
I started showing some teeth, not an all out animal, but I started to growl.
It started with voicing my opinion. I did not care if I was right or wrong, but I shared my view with as many people as possible. At least people knew where I stood about certain things. If someone was late all the time, I called them on it. If someone was being disrespectful to me or other people, I spoke up about it. I did not yell or act like a buffoon. I tried my best to be professional and direct.
As I settled in to the leadership role, I gave my opinion to the supervisors and eventually, the manager. At times, things got interesting.
I tried to choose my battles wisely and tried to be strategic. Sometimes I had to completely disagree with the manager. When I did, I noticed a few things.
Just telling some of my coworkers about the disagreement made them feel uncomfortable. I almost felt ashamed of my actions. A basic instinct of ancestors' survival, fitting into the tribe, does a lot of harm in the modern world. You have to find a way to turn this instinct off to be more successful today. Fitting in now just make you blend in with everyone else. Everyone wants to be noticed, but you can't by trying to hide who you really are.
It would sometimes go home and question my stance, but I continued to lean into it. It is natural to second guess yourself. I began to realize once I had a stance, I should dive in and go for it.
If someone does not like your stance, at least they know where the whole you stands. You live in the present knowing that fact.
It is alright if you fail. You will get better. Keep the internal battle going. Let the dark side help you.
If you need to raise you voice a little, use piercing eye contact, or stand up and wave your arms, let your dark side help you speak your mind. Engage full force with the issue like it is a terrorist holding someone hostage.
Sometimes saying please, or not exposing your exact thought or opinion, can be a mission failure.
You may only have one shot. You may be dead the next day. We don't know what the future holds. We only have the present.
Live like an operator. Take control of your actions and your life. Take any opportunity you can to practice being the whole you.
Don't be afraid of your dark side. There is another part of you waiting to be discovered.
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