Avoiding Complainers and Unhappy People

“Life has a tendency to provide a person with what they need in order to grow. Our beliefs, what we value in life, provide the roadmap for the type of life that we experience. A period of personal unhappiness reveals that our values are misplaced and we are on the wrong path. Unless a person changes their values and ideas, they will continue to experience discontentment.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls







Do you know unhappy people?

Do you know people who complain all the time, or people who think the world owes them happiness?

Do you fall into the trap of trying to please them, trying new tricks and tactics, in hopes you can change them?

We've all encountered these people in our lives, but a problem exists when we put our focus on trying to constantly cheer these people up.


There will be times when someone close to you is going through a hard time, if they are, you should step up and try to help them.  But after a while, they must dust themselves off, and get back to facing the challenge of life.

Like everyone, I've had low points in my life, and it sure was nice to have a good friend to lean on, to make me laugh, or see a problem in a different perspective.   I remember one friend in particular who was there for me when I left my family to join the Air Force.  I got my teeth kicked in everyday training to be a Combat Controller, and there were many times I felt like giving up.

My friend could here in my voice, when I called with my weekly update in training, whether I was in good spirits, or was feeling a bit down.  If I was down, I usually got off the phone in a better mood and had just enough motivation to continue.

There are certain people unhappy about EVERYTHING.  Nothing goes their way and life, and everything bad that happens to them is everyone else's fault.  They are victims of life.

The people fail to realize, their situation, circumstances, and position in life are their fault.

This becomes their identity and mission objective on a daily basis.  If you are not careful, you can fall into the trap of trying to please these people, try to make them happy, and waste your valuable time and energy trying to change them, it's time to trim off some fat in your life, wasting time to find new ways to make someone always unhappy, somehow happier. This will put your progress in life in reverse.  You may even feel spending your time listening to how miserable someone is makes you virtuous.

It doesn't.  It's like showing up to work before everyone else to show how great you are.

You have better things to do.

If you know these people, and try constantly cheer them up, stop right now.  It's a dead end and leads nowhere.

These type of unhappy people use others to their advantage by stealing their attention.  This is exactly what they're doing because they have no other way to get attention.  These people are co workers, fake friends, and even family members.  They never look at themselves or their behavior, becoming someone people feel obligated to be around. But if they get attention from you , if you try to help or encourage them, they gladly keep up the act.

You may think taking time with a co worker, to listen to all their problems, makes you a better person.  It doesn't.  In fact it makes you lose focus on your goals.  It makes you waste time with someone who will never change.  These people are proud to be the downer, and it's become their personality.

You can give all your energy and time to these people, but they will keep their happiness just out of reach, keeping people coming back to give a shot at cheering their miserable lives up.

It's time to stop. 

Start ignoring these people and giving them your attention.  It's the only way they'll grow up, or look for another shoulder to cry on.  If nobody gave them any attention, they'd have to look at their own miserable lives and put time and energy into being happy.

Growing up with my father was difficult.  He was raised in an alcoholic home, so he knew nothing about boundaries or how to treat others.  All the resentment and hurt from his childhood, stayed bottled up.

My father often got into really bad moods making the family walk on eggshells.  In his moods, he treated the entire family bad and often said things I knew he later regretted.  My entire family accepted his behavior and would deal with it, never bringing it up.

I remember when I was younger, he'd get into really bad moods, but I'd try everything I could to keep him happy.  The weird thing was, the more I tried to be nice to him, the worse he treated me.  After a while, I'd lose myself and turn into someone without a brain.  I couldn't not even talk right.  I hated who I was around him because I'd lose myself in his presence.

I later recognized he used this behavior as leverage to act how ever he wanted.  He knew he'd have the entire family listen to whatever he complained about, or why his day was bad because of one of us.  He knew we would ignore his behavior when he took frustrations out on us.

 Nothing was life or death, or even that important, but if you'd have been around him, it felt like the world was ending.  It just wasn't going the way he wanted sometimes.

The world doesn't owe us anything, instead we should have gratitude when we experience happy times.

Nobody owes us friendships or relationships, and we have a right to choose who these people are.  If someone thinks you owe them your time or attention, it's time to think about removing them.

I tried for years to make my father happy, hoping one day we could have a good conversation, and he'd be happy.

It never happened.

In my mid thirties, I finally learned I'd never make him happy, because he didn't want to be.

I stopped calling or coming to visit him.  We rarely even spoke.  But, a few years ago, he started behaving better towards me.  He seemed happy when I finally answered his phone calls.

I gained respect from him by not acting like a clown every time his behavior was bad.

I didn't ask him to change.  If he behaved that way, I never spoke to him.  Eventually he got the idea and things got much better.  Our relationship was important, and I eventually explained why I was not in his life anymore.

Most negative people aren't worth the time, and don't require any explanations.  Stop giving them attention by ignoring, or reducing contact as much as possible.

Stop being a sounding board for other people.  You won't get an award for listening to the complainers.  Your mental energy and time are at stake.

People today are less happy than they were in the year 2000, and it seems it's only getting worse. It's getting easier and easier to live an unfulfilled life, as technology increases.  It's getting easier to take the easy path, instead of operating life with a sense of direction and purpose.  It's easier to ignore yourself while focusing on everyone else, with more and more social media sites.

It's time to live like an operator, being aware of your behaviors and actions.

It's to take a look around, scouting for enemies attacking your valuable focus, taking advantage of your kind spirit, and looking for attention from anyone who will hand it out.
It's easy to get wrapped up in needless drama from the countless victims we encounter in everyday life.

Surround yourself with other people who make the effort to create their own happiness.

Take command of your situation before someone else does it for you.

There will be times when someone close to you needs you time and attention.  Be ready for these situations by not getting burned out by miserable victims.

Be a leader and example of someone who has the courage to protect their time and resources by ignoring the office cry baby, or not answering the phone when someone calls you about constantly being held back, cheated, or mistreated.

Live life like an operator.