Knowing when to quit and move on

Strategic quitting is the secret of successful organizations     

Seth Godin

Never Quit!

All my life I've been told not to quit.  Quitting means you are taking the easy road.  

You can achieve anything, just never give up!  I have heard this so many times, it's second nature.  I don't question it.  I'm even guilty of judging others when they quit something.  

It's been ingrained in my brain since birth.  The idea of quitting means I've failed.  

For the people out there who are headstrong, the people who finish what they start, I'm writing this for us.

The ability to never quit is an incredible gift.  To persevere when most people would just give up, seems to be a rare asset.  Actually, it is. It allows us to accomplish the impossible.  There is something I've been born with, which allows me to work harder than the ordinary person.
When I want to do do something, I mean really want to do it, I give everything I have.  Everything else gets pushed to the side, even physical well being, to ensure I get the job done.

This trait has obvious benefits, but there is a downfall.  Sometimes there is a time to quit and let something go.  But, this is hard for people like me to see.  Sometimes we realize we should've let something go a long time before we realize it, or never see it at all.

There are many other reasons why people have trouble quitting something they know deep down.  It can be a case of herd mentality.  If everyone else thinks you should do something, what if you quit?  You may let a lot of people down.  Sound familiar?

Something could have become a part of your identity.  A job, a destructive habit, or way of life, which causes you to never quit, even if there would be overwhelming, obvious benefits.  

Having to the intelligence to let something go that isn't worth continuing sounds easy, but it's often met with a personal battle, leaving us confused.  We question if we really want to pull the trigger.  

When you get the internal pull to quit something, no matter what it is, it's important to dig in, spend some time alone, and face the issue.  

Like many times before in my life, I am facing this battle right now.  Thankfully, I am in a better position to handle facing a big issue in my life, more than I was many times before.  In the past, I struggled in my own personal battles trying to quit something big.  This time however, I'm kind of excited.  I know it will be a big decision, but I know for myself quitting will bring me closer to my version of success.  The thought of quitting makes me smile.

In my late twenties, I quit something big.  It was my whole life.  I placed my identity into being a Combat Controller.  I thought once I became a part of an elite unit, I'd get respect from my friends and family.  The problem was I felt inferior to people I knew back home.  My brother, sister, and friends all had a plan to go to college.  Everyone seemed to know what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives, but I didn't.  

I tried college.  I struggled because no matter how hard I tried to focus, I could not become interested in any college course I took.  I couldn't get excited about any career the college path would lead me.  This lead to feeling of inadequacy and not being normal.

Having a goal to become a Combat Controller made me feel special.  I told everyone I knew I was attempting the program.  I told family, friends and anyone who would listen.  A problem I was creating was I was attaching my entire identity to a special ops career.  I was trying to gain respect and feelings of being worthy by attaching combat control to my being.

The very culture of special ops is instilled in your brain from day one.  Never quit.  These words were repeated over and over throughout the nearly 2 year training pipeline.  This is the attitude the career requires.  The nature of missions requires a never quit never die attitude.  No matter what. 

The benefit of telling people my goals, especially my father trying to gain his approval, was it kept me going and gave me the motivation to never quit.  Having to tell everyone I quit on my goal was enough motivation to get me through the misery that never seemed to end.

After I made it through the training, my relationships and feelings of inadequacy didn't change.  My family came to my graduation but afterwards life continued on.  The high of getting through the training wore off.

Toward the end of advanced skills training, I met my current wife.  My life changed, and I knew quitting combat control was the right move because of my desire to have a family and children, but the problem was I had made it through the training and getting out of the career would be much more difficult than saying I quit.  The leadership in the career tried to talk me out of it for several weeks.  

 Also, I'd put so much of my self image, identity, and life into it, that following my inner voice was extremely challenging.  I became depressed and hopeless.  Finally saying  quit was accompanied by regret and months of second guessing my decision.

Looking back, quitting was one of the best decisions of my life, and now I couldn't imagine still being a combat controller. But at the time, I had a hard time moving on without obsessing over quitting something so big.  Why?  If it was the right move, and deep down I knew it, why did I feel so bad?

I attached my success, my identity and my self worth, into what I thought everyone else viewed as success.  

I could tell new people I met that I was a combat controller, I could feel comfortable around my successful father because I was in a career only 10 percent of guys could do.  I could feel like someone special around people at parties.  If I really look at that, there is something wrong with those thoughts.  

Now I understand everyone has their own version of success, and until I'm comfortable with my own goals, because I'm comfortable with myself, will I be able to make smart decisions on my progress in life.

Just the experience of combat control training has helped shape who I am today.  I still tried it.  It still help me realize I can do anything I put my my to.  It taught me to trust my instincts and quit something no matter what the rest of the world may think.   Every challenge, every failure is a success.

Now I'm in a much better position to quit something big.  I am currently the Union president at my Air Traffic Control facility.  From many people, the position means respect and authority.  It means success.  

Like Combat Control, this role has accelerated my growth and confidence.  I walked into it unsure of my abilities, but now I understand better how to be an effective leader, trust my inner moral compass, speak in front of people, and sometimes stand alone in my decisions, even if it's not popular.  I became comfortable standing alone to push my vision for the facility forward.

To my friends and family, I looked like I had attained another mark of success in my career.  I was flying on paid trips across the country, staying in fancy hotels, and running my facility from the top.

At first, it felt amazing, people looking in saw someone successful, but after a while I became unhappy.  A lot of my weekends were spent taking phone calls, speaking with management, and dealing with complaints.  I became attached to my phone, and it seemed I never got any time off.  

I began to realize how management communicated and felt like one of them.  People were promoted into management positions, but they had no business being there.  They were there for the title and the raise.  I got no raise, it was a volunteer position, which was becoming more and more of a burden stealing my mental energy.  Before I realized, I was consumed and constantly busy.

I had to ask myself: what I was busy doing?  Was I trying to seem important and successful to other people?

 

I knew I wasn't there for a raise or the title, I wanted to improve the facility. I had a deep passion and vision to try and make a place I spent so much time more tolerable for myself and others.  I felt that way for about a year.  Then I realized, no matter how much I put into something which wasn't a personal passion for myself, I would spend a lot of time spinning my wheels.  After making some progress, I realized people expected more of me, but they continued to do less and less.

The progress made writing music, blogs, and a book stalled, but the position demanding more and more of my time.  Over time, the responsibility of the position took most of my mental focus and time.  The thought of quitting the position never seriously crossed my mind until I thought about it one morning on a run. 

 Without thinking of what anyone else would think, I imagined my life without the stress, responsibility, and time spent on my role.  The thought of getting out of the position made me smile.  As I smiled, I ran faster and faster, I had this spark of energy and motivation about what else I could do with my time.  I'd found my answer.  Within a week, I made the announcement I was stepping down from the position as the union president.

I'd remembered something I'd learned about motivation and contentment.  If I find something that I'm passionate about, then I am filled with energy and motivation.  I can't wait to wake up and work on a passion unique to myself.

As I sit here on my first day not being the union president, I am filled with excitement for the future instead of regret and guilt.  I am without the back and forth I felt after quitting Combat Control.  I feel less stressed and relaxed because I can redirect my focus and energy on things I have a passion for and not weighed down by extra burdens.

It's important to take a step back in your own life, and ask the question only you know the answer to.  If you're doing things to appear successful to others, afraid of what others will think of your decisions in your life, or think you should never quit something, you become a prisoner and will fail to accomplish what is possible in your own life.  

Life is always changing.  It's important to remember we all change too.  It's easy to get stuck in the same routine for years because of the fear of quitting.  Even worse, we may not recognize we should even quit.   Don't get caught in a cycle of wasting time and energy on things that don't align with your own passion and interests.  Be emotionally intelligent about your own life.  Only you can change what is wrong.