The superpower of controlling anxiety

 

You’d never invite a thief into your house. So why would you allow thoughts that steal your joy to make themselves at home in your mind? – Prince EA

Anxiety plagues everyone.  Everyone is anxious at certain times; it's the way our brains are wired. 

 If you're anxious, there is nothing wrong with you.  In fact, it's completely normal. We aren't successful as a species because we were able to sit around and relax.  It's quite the opposite.  By staying on constant alert, we were able to avoid predators, hunt for food, and keep moving.

A short time ago, I thought that I may be more anxious than the normal person.  It wasn't until I talked with other people, more specifically males, that I began to realize I may be normal.

Why couldn't I sit down for hours and watch TV, like other people could do.

Why couldn't I spend a few days doing absolutely nothing?

I must have an overactive mind.  I am cursed with high anxiety, so I will never be able to relax.

Fast forward to today.  Just recently another realization set in.  Just because I'm the type that stays busy, not just sitting around doing nothing, doesn't mean that is a good thing.  Actually I'm in the same boat as the people who string days together doing nothing at all.  I thought I was doing better by cutting out distractions, and focusing on accomplishing goals important to me, but I still spent a lot of times just being busy.

Staying busy, doing things just to occupy my brain, will create just as much anxiety as watching the latest string of cat trick videos on youtube, if I never take the time to quiet my mind.

I'm sure most people know that putting things off, not engaging their minds, and not working towards goals, will create a dull, low lying anxiety.  The kind that bothers us, keeps us up at night, and makes us have that feeling that something is wrong, be we can't quite pin point it.  

We all have blind spots in our life-- areas of improvement in our lives that needs attention-- but never look at them because we're too busy, too distracted, too afraid to focus on them.  If you don't think you have any, look again.  If you still don't see them, find a quiet place.  Put down the phone, get away from everyone, and have the ability to sit in a room for an hour alone with your thoughts.

Most people can't do this.  At first, it's hard.  At least it was for me.  

I am a big fan of meditation.  It gets a lot of stigma, the woo woo factor, but it's fantastic for making the overactive mind stop chattering, so you can think more clearly.

You could call sitting alone with your thoughts meditation, but actually it's a form of self reflection.  A conversation with someone you know better than anyone else.  YOU

Our minds are always chattering at us.  All day, everyday it never stops.  Again, that's how we evolved.  from the time you wake up, to the time you lay your head on the pillow at night and drift off to sleep, it keeps going.  

 Whatever random thoughts or emotions are there, it shouts it out.  If you had a roommate that never stopped shouting at you, eventually you'd tell him or her to shut up.

That's where meditation, or just sitting with your thoughts, becomes a massive asset.  Instead of reacting to the machine gun fire of random thoughts, you can observe them without being taken over by them.

For me, I've naturally been drawn to spending time by myself, but like everyone else, I get pulled into the challenge of being alone without the comfort of distractions.  So lately, I've made an effort to turn the alone time into quiet moments to see what appears in my mind.  In turn, this gives me the opportunity to see things as they actually are, instead of falling victim to the chatter, negative emotions, and self sabotage, modern times often inflict on me.

Without realizing it, my daily runs are a time I spend alone with my thoughts.  That's why I enjoy them so much, besides the numerous other benefits physical exertion brings me.  But I've tried to build on this activity to help increase the benefits.  

When I trained for my first marathon, my quality of life improved despite the grueling weekly long runs and stress on my body.  I didn't think about it at the time, but now as I reflect back, during quiet time, I see that having a physical challenge brought me a sense of purpose and direction.  That itself improved my life.  But another subtle benefit was time to think, lots of time.  I did more writing during that time, I had more creative ideas, and I had more motivation because I had the time without the distractions of everyday life, to actually use my brain.  I had time to focus.

Although I'm not training for a big race or any other big physical challenge, I still run. Now I've evolved to combining the runs with quiet reflection time while I work, or any other time I have the chance.  

On my runs, I leave the phone behind.  I take advantage of the shorter runs by not having any distractions in my ear.

I love music, so occasionally I still enjoy taking my phone with my headphones to enjoy some music, or even listening to interesting pod cast, but the majority of the time, I run alone.

If you're familiar with David Goggins a well known distance runner and former Navy SEAL, he does the same thing.  At first, I dismissed him as being too hard core.  He has a rough past, but he uses his runs to sort out his issues, confront his demons, and improve his mindset. He says music is like a pacifier.  I'm passing along the same concept.

Often times, I'm my own worst enemy, like any other person.  When I add daily time alone, without the comfort of any outside stimulation, my life life makes an undeniable turn in a positive direction.  

The daily challenges of a demanding career, being a husband and father, and trying to balance interests and hobbies, is a daily struggle accompanied by anxiety, which often times is a low lying enemy, is normal.  Spending time alone is not, but it allows you to confront the issues easily pushed below the surface during the daily grind, the ones that keep you from being content and happy, you can create a superpower to melt away anxiety.

Take the time to be alone with yourself.  You're the only one that truly knows where you are, where you want to be, and what you need to do to make it happen.  Instead of getting on the phone waiting for an appointment, or during a break at work, close your eyes and just sit.  

I've found myself sitting on a park bench during my breaks at work.  After about 30 minutes, my mind is calm and I slowly look at what I hear chattering in the background.  And what do I find? Well, I have a lot of issues I don't look at.  I even laugh at myself and my ego, seeing all the ways I try to look good for everybody else. I see the areas that I know need improvement, but I don't face them in everyday life.  The things that keep me anxious.  

In the future, hopefully we can all look back with fewer regrets, without being stuck living life being distracted, just trying to survive. It's an easy path to go down.  Get to know yourself better, reflect on the deeper parts of yourself, and make effort to dive deeper.  The anxiety will always be there, but we can all get better at observing issues, making corrections, and making our minds more clear, without the cloud of anxiety hanging over our heads. 

I want to thank people for reading my blogs.  I enjoy sharing the knowledge I learn and helping others improve.  Please subscribe to the mailing list for free e books in the future.

Kevin