Being an individual in special ops training and beyond

“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image.”

Thomas Merton, The Way of Chuang Tzu

 How do individuals make it in special ops training?

We've all heard it- Nobody gets through special ops training by themselves.  The training is designed to in a way that only working together as a team can bring success.  

Individuals fail.

Yes, this is true, but you must also be a strong individual to be a good team player.

I'll say it again...  You must be a strong individual to be a good team player.  Many people who say they're team players simply aren't.  They haven't developed the skills yet.  A lot never will.

I'm here to give some hard truths that I've learned about military training, and beyond in the civilian world.

Before I go into what I've noticed about my experiences in a team environment, I'll share a little information about myself.

Maybe you can relate.

I naturally tend to keep to myself.  I try to be as self sufficient as possible, almost to a fault.  

If the vehicle needs to be fixed, I fix it myself.  If something needs to be done at the house, I do it myself.  

I haven't brought one of my used vehicles to a shop since I've owned them.  Actually, I did one time, but that was because I was on a road trip.  

For over 20 years it's never happened.  Is it a pain in the ass sometimes? Hell yes.  No matter how difficult it is, I feel better doing myself than to have to DEAL with someone else.

It's better than someone trying to rip me off.  It's better than getting pissed off because the shop standards are not high enough.  It's better than trying to get someone to help me with the problem, not ignoring me and trying to sell me a new power steering rack just because the hose is leaking.

 The drama involved in doing it myself is often better than the drama of dealing with other people in general.  

Not everyone is like me, and I get that. I don't sound like a good team player, and I get that too.

Let me elaborate.

In reality, I don't do any repairs on my own.  I use the internet to find a youtube video, or an well written article to show me how, or to learn new things about a simple brake job I've done 1000 times.

The fact is:  No matter how self sufficient I am, I rely on other people all the time.

I even try to contribute back to the amazing information on the internet by writing blogs like this, and on a youtube channel because I think that's amazing.

We all need help.  I'm not looking for handouts, but from time to time I need the help of others.  I don't know everything, and I never will.  Nobody will.

The problem is finding the right people to surround myself with, and you too, is hard work.  It takes years for me to find the right people to be around, and even then, sometimes I outgrow them.  Sometimes they outgrow me.

In the civilian world, surviving means cutting the strings on a lot of people, even if it means hard feelings.

I think the most amazing thing about the internet, beyond all the great information, is it reminds me that there are many people in the world who are like I am.   

There are so many people trying to learn new things, share information, and have the same attitude towards life that I have. They just are not centralized in certain locations.  They are sprinkled throughout the world. 

I know it's obvious that everyone is not the same, but if you're like me, you're around a lot of people who don't fit the criteria of who should be in your life.

Most of us are stuck around people who are victims, energy vampires, lazy, and clones of everyone else around them.  It almost seems common in the civilian world.    

A lot of us are stuck around people who have been surviving life by using toxic behaviors because they have no intentions of looking at themselves or their life.  You must do this.

This sounds harsh.  I only hope they can understand that life is short, there is so much to learn in a little amount of time.  Trying to improve from all the crap we were dealt as children will make us adults people REALLY want to be around.

This sounds depressing I know, but it's the truth.

What you, as an individual, should prepare for in special ops training

So you've worked hard to prepare yourself, the best that you can, to join the military and become a special operator.  You've physically prepared yourself, and tried to mentally prepare to the best of your abilities.  

I took care of this fairly well.  I trained my ass off.  I even worked a lot of tough jobs that prepared me for the long process of the pipeline. I was ready to join the military and be with other guys who thought exactly like me.  I mean, every guy that goes into special ops have the same process as me, right?  

This is a fantasy.  It doesn't work that way at all.  I say this because this is what I thought on the outside looking into the military.

One aspect I found extremely challenging dealing with other teammates along side of me.  When you're assigned a class, you have no control over who you're teammates are.  You just get a microscopic sample of the general population.  Whoever you're with, you're stuck with.

It's like having neighbors too close. You could have really awesome neighbors, or you could have that random sample of the population making the odds high of having difficult people living near you, watching you, trying to talk to you every time you step out the door, minding your business instead of theirs, complaining, and on and on.

Usually this type of job attracts people who want a challenge, make a difference, and want to excel at whatever they do, but this doesn't mean they are perfect.  Some of them are not good to be around at all.

I'm not saying this to give a bad impression of the career.  I just want to be honest.  

Just like you can't pick your neighbors, co workers, or family, you cannot choose who you want to endure difficult military training with. Here are some things I learned in the pipeline and beyond in my air traffic career becoming leader dealing with different kinds of people.

Herd mentality

Just like anybody else, special ops is prone to falling into herd mentality.  As humans, our instincts are always there and can take over, even when we try to understand this can happen.

I experienced this first hand on my second attempt of combat control school. Group think, which happens when groups of people are together, can take over.  

As an individual, we are often more creative and better at problem solving, but when a group is together we often make decisions based on what others think.  It's the down fall of many creative projects in the workplace. It holds a lot of intelligent people back. 

Putting a group of intelligent people together in a group makes them less intelligent.  They would be better off alone because the group holds them back.

On my first attempt of combat control school, I made some mistakes. The biggest one was an accidental discharge. This ultimately caused me to have to redo the entire course. This mistake followed me to the next class.  

The instructors kept a close eye on me, and playfully gave me shit.  A few of them must have taken my mistake personal because they were on my ass the entire course, almost holding me to higher standard than even the officers.  I was not given any slack.  It made the second attempt very difficult.

What made it worse was the class leader, a captain, knew all about my first attempt and all the mistakes I made.  He was obviously briefed on it before the course started.  

The officers are held to a very high standard.  They obviously must display strong leadership skills along with making it through the training.  Again, this doesn't mean they are perfect.

This captain stayed quiet about my previous attempt until he saw how much shit the instructors were giving me.  Instead of encouraging me, standing up for me, and helping me out, he joined in on the harassment.

Even in my off time, he was giving me a hard time.  He'd watch me like a hawk.  

The situation grew worse one night in a bar when he saw me talking to a girl.  In his words, " Why would that girl want to talk to you, McDonald?

What I later learned about this individual was that he was abused emotionally by his father.  His father made him feel like shit.  I didn't know this at the time, I learned this recently.

Once the rest of the team saw his actions, they began to think it was okay to give me a hard time, despite a near flawless record on my second time.

I had the instructors, team captain, and a lot of my team giving me hell for 3 months.  

I was all by myself as an individual.  I almost quit because I was disheartened by the immature behavior of so many guys.

This stuff does go on.  I went from getting along with almost everyone to being squeezed out of the group because of my past mistakes.  I still made it through, but I had a bad taste in my mouth.

The takeaway on this is:  Watch your back in situations like this.  Everyone is stressed out.  Nobody wants the spotlight.  If you become a target, many will likely join in ( rank or position doesn't matter).  It's easier to go along and deflect attention to someone else.  I've seen this happen a lot in the pipeline and in the FAA training as well.

You have to be a strong individual to not fall prey of herd mentality especially in the stressful environment of the pipeline.  Things get cut throat quickly.

This is more common in other environments like the FAA, where I currently work.  In fact it's very common.  People end up thinking like everyone else and not stepping back to actually access the situation or people involved.

The consequences of stepping out of herd mentality

Every time I have resisted the pull of the herd, the beginning part was hard.  In the pipeline, I was pushed out of the herd ( I had no choice) in my second attempt at CCS.  

I took the situation hard.  I thought about quitting daily because I felt like my whole team, along with the instructors were against me.  It felt like I was back in high school again.  It sucked.  

Thankfully, at the end of the day I tried to pin point the reason everyone seemed to act different towards me.  After an honest assessment, all I could really recall was the team captain had an issue with me ( no exactly sure why) and I had an accidental discharge the class before.  

So what?

Not being quick to jump in with the herd has changed my life outside of the military.  It saves me from wasting time, being around people I don't really want to be around, and keeps me on track with my own thoughts and feelings.

In fact, now when I find myself going along with what most people around are doing, I take a step back and reevaluate.  If I am getting sucked in to hanging out with people after work, having my my mental focus taken away by every... single... dull... exhausting conversation, it's time for me to cut some strings.  

The odds just are not in our favor from that random sample of the population.  It's second nature for me to say no to most of the people around me. 

I'm not saying I'm better than everyone!  As time goes by, I realize there are people that are good for me, I just don't encounter them normally.

Surviving Special Ops training ( Instincts)

In the unique environment that is special ops training, arriving physically prepared is a must.  Being physically prepared certainly will help with the mental game of the training pipeline.  These are the basics that you can't just " survive".  If you only want to survive the physical requirements, you won't last very long.  

When you are immersed into an environment where getting along with your teammates, which includes the enlisted, officers, and even instructors, allowing your mind to revert to the instincts developed over thousands of years by our ancestors comes into play.

I now have the luxury, challenge, and opportunity to go against instincts.  Instead, I try my best not to fit in.  It causes tension, confusion, and hard feelings to the people I am trying to distance from, but the rewards are sweet in the end.

In the pipeline, this doesn't work so well.  In other words, suck it up, and use how the brain is wired to fit in as much as possible!  This is one of the most important lessons I learned in the pipeline.

If you don't get along with an officer, instructor, or a few enlisted teammates, the pipeline will turn from one of the biggest challenges of your life, to a nightmare.

Being aware of yourself as an individual ( spending time alone) and figuring out your strengths, weaknesses, fears, and goals will help when you must tap into the deep instincts of survival.

Knowing ahead of time that you'll likely encounter weak officers, selfish teammates, or instructors wanting to take out life's frustrations on you, as a trainee, will help when you're slapped in the face with it.

When you go through the initial training known as the assessment and selection, you will be evaluated on how well you work on your own, and how you work with other teammates.  

You may have a jerk as the team captain.  There may be two guys you cannot stand helping you carry a 200 pound dummy with 100 pounds on your back.  It's up to you to look past those flaws as an individual, and you must do everything you can to try and get along with them.  Because unless the fail or quit, you're stuck with them as teammates, like a bad neighbor right out your back door.  

Think about the pipeline like you're living 20,000 years ago in a jungle. If you get forced out of the group, you're more than likely dead.

This isn't like how modern life has become for us; being independent, an individual, or cutting people out of your life that are toxic actually makes it easier to focus on goals, or getting ahead in life. Basically not trying to fit in usually brings success.

 

 In the world of the military, especially special ops training, fitting in with the group is crucial for success.  A lot of good guys don't make because of some sort of personality conflict. They can meet all the standards and never quit, but one instructor didn't like them.  It's not always the case, and not everyone's gonna like you, but the more you get along with everyone the better life will likely be in training. 

Remember my situation where everyone turned on me, like they were under some kind of spell?  Well, I did get along with a lot of other people, including instructors, and I was on a lot of different teams because my training took twice as long as it normally should have.  I made a lot of good impressions that helped me when that group of guys were acting like they'd lost their minds.

I could have easily been kicked out of combat control school because everyone was looking for my next mistake, and believe me they found a lot ( we all make them) , but an instructor from the initial two week selection course showed up to combat control school when I was at my breaking point. 

That particular instructor knew how prepared I was in the beginning.  He would joke with me ( not too much), but I could tell I made a good impression with him.  I could tell we'd probably be friends if the circumstances were right.

The guys this particular instructor didn't like:  They caught hell from him.  But, I started to figure out what pissed him off.  Basically, not putting out.  Not giving everything, and trying to hold back.  Making noises and being dramatic were also things he hated.

When this guy showed up, things seemed to get better.  It was like everyone understood this well respected instructor had my back.  He even may have told everyone to give me a break.  I won't ever know for sure.

Special ops training takes an extreme amount of mental and physical effort to endure.  Taking things personally, or getting angry or upset when someone, especially leadership, makes a selfish move, tries to make you look bad, or just acts like a toxic person, can drain valuable mental focus.

Expect to encounter these individuals, and don't be in a fantasy land ( like I was) and think everyone will have the same attitude as you.

Also, remember the fact that when someone acts out toward you, it has everything to do with them, and usually very little or nothing to do with you.  

Remember the team captain giving me shit?  His father abused him.  Try to keep in mind all the past experiences of everyone else.  That's where the behavior comes from.

Try your best to get along and " fit in", have some empathy for everyone's past experiences, and understand who you may encounter in training.  Save you mental focus for getting through the training, not being sucked into drama.

Keep striving to become a strong individual and find out who you are.  Odds are slim that you'll meet your dream group of people going through some of the toughest military training in the U.S.

Do your best to understand people's toxic behaviors have nothing to do with you, and press on getting through the training.  You'll likely become the leader as an E3 because a title or position is... well it's just a damn title or position.

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Kevin