Why personal and business relationships fail

" Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it'll always get you the right ones."

John Lennon


Real relationships are hard work, but they're worth it.

Having close friendships, business partners, or being involved with a spouse, takes valuable time and commitment.  It's important to invest in these relationships, because without them, life loses it's colorful flavor and purpose.

I am a stubborn person by nature, but I've learned slowly over time, an important relationship will not always be roses.  In fact, they can seem frustrating, and sometimes, not even worth the effort.
We all know having a good relationship with anyone requires good communication.  If your like me ( a guy) communicating may not be your strong point, or it's something you have to work hard at.  

Positive benefits of a real relationship

 Sometime it seems I'm a slow learner, but when I finally get things, I really get it.   It's taken me a long time for me to realize how important close relationships can be.  I've always thought I'm Mr. independent, but I've slowly realized ( being married for a while helps)  having people who know you really well, has enormous benefits. 

 You can only benefit from these things by listening to those who know you well.  These are the people you trust, not those around you who really shouldn't be.

The people that know who you really are see the good, bad, and ugly sides of you.  they see you for who you really are.  Most people only see the good side, never seeing your not so good sides.  They see the side you may be blind to.  

There relationships satisfy our deep need of human connections.  No matter how self sufficient you are in life, you need close relationships to bring fulfillment.

If you have somebody you know and trust, they should want the best for you, and see you flourish.  If they spot areas you need improvement, you can breathe a little easier, not get defensive, when your close friend says you smell bad. 

This is harder than it seems, but if you keep this in mind, it should keep you from snapping back with an insult.

A close friend, valuable business partner, trusted person you lead, trusted mentor,or a spouse, are rare finds in a lifetime.  When you find these people, cherish these bonds, and commit yourself to these people.

There is nothing in life more satisfying than a close relationship.  You can have all the money in the world, all the power, but without close relationships, they won't mean very much.  

I am telling myself this because I've spent many years thinking I'm the only one who knows ME.  I tried to listen to others, but often got defensive when someone has called me on something, which later improved my work or life. I've avoided needed conflict to keep relationships healthy.

The rough side of close relationships

 When you have a few people you can trust, who really know you well, consider yourself lucky, but also know they see your true authentic self.  They see everything.  They don't see the image you may have created in your head.

  A lot of people fall into the "quantity over quality", having 500 friends, but they lack the benefits of a close relationship.  You can call almost anyone your friend.  Find somebody, interact with them, and always get a long with them, and they could be a friend. You could click on a friend request, have occasional keyboard conversations, and call it a day.  

 It's also easier to say your marriage if great, when you make a point to agree with everything your spouse says, hold in the true feelings, until they come out later, or worse, stay bottled up and destroy your health.  The one day, " things just aren't working".

As a leader, it's easy to think everyone loves and agrees with your ideas,but it could be your don't have trusting relationships.  People are nice and agree with you, but they destroy you behind your back with gossip.

You also may walk on eggshells around a mentor you respect and could learn from, but fail to realize a true bond because you run from confrontation.

 I know I fell into this trap many times, until I finally snapped out of it, until I remembered it's normal to have conflict in relationships.  The closer they are, the more you will share negative emotions, thoughts and feelings.  

If you become aware of your emotions, you can let go of the fear of a negative conversation.  

When you have a close relationship, things can get rough when someone you know well disagrees with you.  For me, it was easier to avoid these situations.  I thought I was helping the relationship.  I was really hurting it.

It can be rewarding to have an honest disagreement with someone, if they are close.  If you can communicate honestly, there is so much to be gained.  It keeps the relationship interesting and fresh.

If you're in a relationship with no disagreements, it will become boring after a while.  This means they are likely only surface relationships, which could crumble at any moment.  They can seem nice at the time, but the moment real life emerges, it could become dramatic and exhausting.  Either from you, them, or even both sides.

Solid relationships should flourish through the good and bad times because they're transparent and honest.  It's important to realize this, and invest all you have into them.  Without taking the time to understand who is worth the investment, you could spend valuable time on people who aren't worth it.

An honest relationship is worth investing in without hesitation.

If one or both people in a relationship cannot have open communication about negative issues, it will likely fail every time.  When you give everything you have to a relationship and it fails, you can sleep well at night knowing you did your part.  Often times though, if we focus on what we do, we will see where we could improve to save a valuable relationship.  These bonds require personal sacrifice at times, because they're worth it.

There is no need to sacrifice time, focus, or energy on people who are not worth it.

If you are surrounded by people you try to keep happy all the time, people you can't trust with honest conversation, or people you never dive below the surface with, investing time with them can be a dead end.  

Sometime relationships should fail.  Many times they fail because they weren't the right fit, different outlooks on life, or different all together.  It's time to move on and focus on people more aligned with your values and goals.

When solid relationships stall or fail, it's time to reevaluate the situation.  Close bonds stall because they aren't close enough.  There's also the ones that failed but should not have.  These are the type of relationships that dissolve leaving a void in life. It is sad to watch a good relationship end. It's possible the end is inevitable, but it requires thought and attention.

You see this in marriages and close friendships all the time.  One disagreement, and the whole thing spirals out of control getting worse and worse.  

In a study on relationships, behavior, and psychological science, they found the most solid relationships shared negative and positive emotions. 

I used to be the king of suppressing emotions.  My goal was to have as many people like me as possible, especially those close to me.  Through my childhood, I didn't have a problem finding friends who seemed to be 1 in a billion.  As I got older I became obsessed with everyone liking me.  I was the guy everyone liked, and it was who I was.  

The reality is, there are many people I could share close bonds with, but I never got below the surface.  Now looking back a few years, it pains me to realize many of the people I thought liked me, really did not care much for me.  I couldn't see it.  I never had a chance to get close enough to find out who was worth my time. I thought everyone wanted to be my friend, but I was just picky.  I thought nobody understood how complex I was.  This seems a little ridiculous now, but like I said, I'm a slow learner.

 Once you dive below the surface with authenticity,  you can find out who is worth your time and who isn't.  If we keep in mind real relationships need to share positive and negative emotions, we can expect this happen, and know it's part of a healthy relationship.

The study also found it's normal to have good behavior around people we barely know, but more likely to behave bad around those close to us.

This is another thing I've been guilty of many times.  The moment someone showed a little disagreement with me ( everyone liked me) I couldn't handle it.  I suppressed the feelings until I took it out on someone close to me.  If someone ruins your day at work, you hold it in, and take it out on your spouse later.

This is something to be aware of.  We are all prone to this, but it harms a close relationships.

I think this is interesting because the people close to you, can help you during these times.  They can help you see your part in the situation, and reveal it to you.  And you don't get defensive because you have someone close to you, with the best intentions in mind.

Welcome the good and bad in relationships with open arms.  The more honest and real you are with someone, the better the relationship is.